Finding Solace in Being Still — My Journey to A Peaceful Life
For a long time, I didn’t know where I belonged. Career wise, I thought, maybe I wanted to work in film. But, I didn’t know if I was good enough. Could I push through all of the boundaries I’ve set for myself and be able to prepare myself for “the long haul”?
So, when I moved to Los Angeles, I had every intention of becoming a writer and chasing this lifelong dream that I had for so long. I quickly realized that my reality of how it was going to be, was difficult and overall — a journey of internal battles. I had to figure it out, and the honest fact is I’m still figuring it out. I’ve been so hard on myself about this and the only thing I can think of when I’m feeling this way is to not be so hard on myself. And just follow my true path and be intentional with every story I want to tell, and someday, people will want to hear these stories, too. I want to inspire others not to be afraid of their true potential that by doing things and creating with intention can change your life. And if I can do it, you can do it. Anything is possible.
Recently, I’ve had to endure a terrible depressive episode — probably the worst in a long time, maybe since high school. And I had to ask myself some more tough questions. I asked myself if I felt like I truly belonged here and I asked myself if I still believed that sharing stories or writing was my purpose in life. I learned that the answers are not always simple but they are always right in front of you. I still believe that I can become a writer and be successful, and find the “purpose” of such that is my life whatever that may be. But ultimately, I just want to be happy. I want to be still.
Being still for me does not mean being lazy or unproductive. Being still for me means being at peace. I would ask myself the hard questions but I always found myself worrying about the next thing to come, and in turn that made the results a bit less beautiful than they would be, if I had not worried. I’m trying to eliminate these negative thoughts I have in my mind daily by being more intentional with everything I create, whether it’s something I post on social media, on medium, or screenwriting. I want every story to have a purpose, a message, a set intention of “why?”
Once you find patience, you find flow. You sometimes have to go through real life before you can create something you’re truly proud of. That’s because sometimes you have to experience your story for yourself. And to me, that’s the beauty of life. Finding solace in just being. And for right now, I think that’s my purpose. Whether that’s okay with anyone or not, I’m finally feeling like I’m on my way to being at peace.
I hope you find your peace. I hope you accomplish all your dreams. I know that once you do, you’ll be able to see that sunshine does come after rain. Let it flow, don’t let things control your mind so you can flourish and the world can enjoy all of you. Be still, and whatever will be will be.
